Episode 1

The Complex
Parent

This transcript features Jan in conversation with Megan and Jason van Genderen from 'Everybody's Oma', sharing her family's journey as they supported her mother through the transition into residential aged care. Together, they discuss the challenges of balancing caregiving responsibilities, recognising when additional support is needed, and the relief that comes from knowing a loved one is safe, connected and thriving in a supportive care community. 

Introduction

00:00:05 | Jason van Genderen (Interviewer):
Good morning. How are you? 

00:00:05 | Jan:
Good. 

00:00:14 | Jason van Genderen (Interviewer):
Jan, thank you so much for agreeing to have a chat today. We thought this was a valuable conversation to have because when Megan and I were looking for care for my mother, we had so many questions as a family and as a couple that we didn't really know where to get the answers. 

00:00:31 | Jason van Genderen (Interviewer):
There were human questions, relationship questions, family questions, and the sort of things you can't read in a book. 

00:00:44 | Jason van Genderen (Interviewer):
The idea of meeting other families with loved ones in care and having an open conversation about the things you were thinking about, the considerations you had to make and the emotions you were faced with is a fantastic thing. So thanks for agreeing to join us today. 

00:00:59 | Jan:
Yeah, pleasure. Glad to share it and be of help if it can be for anyone else. 

00:01:05 | Jan:
It is a hard time when Mum has to leave her home and go into care. It's a very hard time. You want to do the best you can for them. 

Growing up with mum

00:01:15 | Jason van Genderen (Interviewer):
Describe to me the mum you knew growing up. What was Mum like? What's her personality like? 

00:01:20 | Jan:
Probably a bit distant. A bit of a chip on her shoulder. 

00:01:28 | Jan:
She wasn't very approachable for a lot of reasons. 

00:01:31 | Jason van Genderen (Interviewer):
This is really interesting because when someone's quite complex in their character and in your family relationship, it can make it even harder when you start thinking about placing your loved one into care. 

Preparing for the transition into care

00:01:49 | Jan:
That was one of our major problems. My sister and I, when we were deciding what we were going to do when Mum reached the stage where she needed assistance, thought, "She's not going to get on with people." 

Exactly. We were very anxious about how this was going to happen.

00:02:08 | Jan:
Both Gail and I were working full-time. We couldn't take care of Mum. 

I was running up and down the M2 with meals, cleaning, taking her shopping and doing everything else. So it was quite a busy time.

00:02:24 | Jan:
But we always had it in the back of our minds. What was it going to be like when the time came for Mum to go into care? 

Recognising the signs she needed support

00:02:31 | Jan:
I was cooking her meals, taking them to her and freezing them. She was taking them out, but I noticed she wasn't always finishing the meal. 

She would put it back in the fridge, and cooking meals was becoming a bit of a problem. 

00:02:43 | Jan:
So Meals on Wheels came in, and that was fabulous. 

But then we noticed that she was getting terribly lonely. 

That's when we decided that the time had come. We felt she would be more accepting of moving into care. 

Life at Killara Glades Care Community

00:03:01 | Megan van Genderen (Interviewer):

In terms of Killara Glades Care Community, can you give us a picture of what the community was like for your mum? 

00:03:08 | Jan:
For me, it was a bit of magic. 

Everything was there. It was lovely. It was exactly what I would hope for if I went there myself. 

00:03:21 | Megan van Genderen (Interviewer):
Do you feel like that met your mom expectations? 

00:03:26 | Jan:
I think it exceeded the expectations. 

I didn't realise there was so much there for her to do. 

I think that's why she loves it because there's always something going on. She's not bored. 

Getting her mum back

00:03:39 | Jason van Genderen (Interviewer):
What has that done for you as a daughter? 

00:03:42 | Jan:
It's lifted this huge weight off my shoulders. I don't have to worry about how Mum's going to be. 

The worries she had

00:03:50 | Megan van Genderen (Interviewer):
Was there anything you were concerned about when she transitioned into care? Any worries that you had? 

00:03:58 | Jan:
The only worry I had was how she was going to get on with everyone else. 
That had been the problem throughout her life. She wasn't a welcoming, social person. 

00:04:14 | Jan:
They all loved her. It absolutely blew me away.

 I realised I didn't have to worry about that. She's safe. She's very well cared for in all aspects, and she's happy. 

Closing thoughts

00:04:27 | Jason van Genderen (Interviewer):
Well, it sounds like you've got your mum back. 

00:04:29 | Jan:
I've got my mum back. Yeah, I have. I've got my mum back, and it's so lovely. It's really, really lovely.