This transcript features Catherine in conversation with Megan and Jason van Genderen from 'Everybody's Oma', sharing her experience of supporting both of her parents through serious health challenges and their transition into residential aged care. Catherine reflects on the emotional burden of caregiving, the guilt that many families experience when making aged care decisions, and how finding the right care community helped both her parents and her family find comfort, connection and support. 

Introduction

00:00:07 | Jason van Genderen (Interviewer):
Good morning. 

00:00:14 | Megan van Genderen (Interviewer):
Well, thank you very much for letting us into your home and speaking about your parents' journey and your journey looking after both of your parents. Your mum is at Quakers Hillside. We'd love to know a little bit about your mum. 

Tell us about your mum

00:00:28 | Catherine:
She'll walk a mile in the hottest sun to visit somebody who is sick. 

00:00:33 | Catherine:
She'll cook relentlessly for people. Very kind, very generous and very loving.

Her dad's health journey

00:00:42 | Megan van Genderen (Interviewer):
And your dad, he had a health journey as well? 

00:00:46 | Catherine:
Yes. Dad wasn't aware that he had started dragging his feet. It ended up that he had Parkinson's, and he just wouldn't give in to it. 

He put rails on the walls so he could hold onto them and refused help. 

I bought him walking sticks. I bought him a walker. I bought him a mobility scooter. He refused help because he was a man, very independent and very strong-minded. 

Supporting two parents through illness

00:01:20 | Jason van Genderen (Interviewer):
It's heartbreaking having one parent going through a journey like that, let alone having both parents unwell at the same time. 

00:01:27 | Catherine:
Yes. Mum went in after having a left-brain stroke in 2019.

Subsequently, she developed aphasia, where her language is very badly affected, so it's hard to understand Mum.

Mum was there, she loved it there, and she wanted Dad to move in.

But Dad was determined he was going to go home, and he wanted Mum to be with him.

The guilt of making care decisions

00:01:59 | Catherine:
I was really broken because when I dropped Dad home once, you have to undress him, and then he's standing at the door. 

00:02:11 | Catherine:
He said, "You dumped Mum."

00:02:14 | Catherine:
"Dumped Mum in the home." The way he said it broke my heart. 

I was trying to do the best thing for them, not for us, for them.

He lived at home until he was 93.

Just before his 94th birthday, we moved him to Quakers Hillside.

A special reunion

00:02:41 | Catherine:
The team was so beautiful. We planned it and had Dad there.

Mum was so overjoyed to see him, and I captured their reunion on video. 

00:02:51 | Jason van Genderen (Interviewer):
Wow.

00:02:52 | Catherine:
They're so lovely over there. 

Changing perceptions of aged care

00:02:58 | Catherine:
I think we've all got this old idea of nursing homes, where they were daggy little places and smelly. 

Nursing homes are not what they used to be. 

00:03:13 | Catherine:
I understand why they don't want to be called nursing homes because they aren't.

It's more like a lifestyle place.

The shopping centre encounter

00:03:23 | Jason van Genderen (Interviewer):
Catherine, you shared with us previously an experience you had recently in a shopping centre car park that really rattled you. 

00:03:33 | Catherine:
I got Mum into the car, and there was a lady watching us. She was waiting for a parking space.

She parked her car and watched while I helped Mum into the vehicle.

This lady came up to me and said, "You're very good. Very good. Is that your mother?"

00:03:54 | Catherine:
I said, "Yes."

00:03:55 | Catherine:
She said, "Very good daughter. Very good daughter. You're wonderful." 

00:03:59 | Catherine:
I thanked her, and then she told me her mother lived with her.

00:04:07 | Catherine:
She asked, "Your mother lives with you?"

00:04:10 | Catherine:
I said, "No. Mum lives at Quakers Hillside." 
Then she went off at me.

00:04:16 | Catherine:
She said, "You put your mum in a home. I would never put my mum in a home." 
Wow.

Letting go of guilt

00:04:23 | Catherine:
That made me feel terrible because I carried so much guilt inside already. 
First, there was the guilt of putting Mum into care and Dad saying she'd been dumped. 

00:04:33 | Catherine:
Then there was moving Dad into care, selling their home and having strangers criticise me for those decisions.

Advice for other families

00:04:46 | Jason van Genderen (Interviewer):
What words of advice or encouragement would you have for other carers or family members who are struggling with that? 

00:04:56 | Catherine:
I'd tell them it's different now. Things have changed.

The people there are lovely. They fill in all the gaps that you would never be able to fill yourself. 

00:05:11 | Catherine:
Go and visit the care community. Have a look around and meet the people.

Try respite care and see how it goes.

They might make friends. Sometimes they go kicking and screaming, and the next thing you know they're making friends, playing bingo and taking part in activities.

You'll be surprised how nice it is.

Closing thoughts

00:05:36 | Jason van Genderen (Interviewer):
Catherine, thank you so much for inviting us into your beautiful home and sharing your story with us. 

I'm sure it will help a lot of families in a similar position navigate their journeys too. So thank you. 

00:05:46 | Catherine:
You're very welcome.