This transcript features Kristie in conversation with Megan van Genderen and Jason van Genderen, sharing her family's experience of supporting her mother, Robin, through changing care needs and the transition into residential aged care. Together, they discuss independence, family caregiving, having difficult conversations and finding peace of mind through the right care community. 

Introduction

00:00:03 | Jason van Genderen (Interviewer):
Hello there, how are you again? This is Megan. I'm Jason. 

00:00:08 | Kristie:
Hi. 

00:00:14 | Megan van Genderen (Interviewer):
Thank you very much for having us and for agreeing to be part of these stories.

So we'd love to start by asking a little bit about Robin, your mum.

00:00:23 | Kristie:

Before, she was driving on her own, doing shopping, doctor's appointments, going out for lunches with her friends.

So she was pretty independent? 

00:00:32 | Kristie:
She was very independent, yeah.

It's a running joke between me and my sister. We have shared custody of our mum, so she would live with me for three or four months and then she would go to Nicole's for the other three or four months, backwards and forwards throughout the year. 

When things started to change

00:00:48 | Kristie:
Then that sort of changed. She had a nerve issue in her spine, so there was a lot of time spent backwards and forwards, her being in hospital and being frustrated in there.

One minute this is happening, then the next minute they're telling you it's not.

The recovery part of it sort of set her back to places that she didn't expect to be in for a few years yet.

No driving, anything like that, was all finished.

She lost a lot of confidence in that timeframe, not driving as well. 

00:01:20 | Jason van Genderen (Interviewer):
So it's more like the living environment wasn't really safe. The living environment wasn't a safe choice for her. Okay? 

00:01:25 | Kristie:
Correct.

And just the concerns of leaving her at home all day on her own after this.

Her balance wasn't as great as what it was before, so there was also that taken into consideration.

I'd had steps in my house, so that became an issue.

The bathrooms were not very user-friendly for Robin, and the same with my sister's place as well.

So there were those options. Okay, do we look at something? Where do you go? What do you do? 

Starting the conversation

00:01:59 | Megan van Genderen (Interviewer):
So then did discussions around care arrangements, your shared custody arrangement and those discussions, start to get introduced between you and your sister?

00:02:11 | Kristie:
Yeah, so then me and Nicole started to look into things, and this place at Glenmore Park was just going to be opening up soon.

It was a brand-new facility.

It looked very nice on the website.

Then we made some phone calls, sent some emails off, and the journey started from there. 

00:02:29 | Jason van Genderen (Interviewer):
How did you approach the discussion with Mum?

00:02:32 | Kristie:

There's a lot of stigma around these sorts of conversations.

We didn't want to make it look like we were trying to get rid of her. 

So we just had it as a discussion. It was an open discussion.

It wasn't something where we'd picked a place or made our decision.

At the end of the day, it was Mum's decision.

00:02:54 | Megan van Genderen (Interviewer):
So how long did it take for her to understand that the conversation had started?

00:03:02 | Kristie:
The next week we discussed it quite a bit with her.

She had some questions. She had a lot of questions.

We made an appointment to go up to Glenmore Park Care Community and have a bit of a walk around.

We discussed a few options and how it all works with the girls up there. 

First impressions of Glenmore Park Care Community

00:03:18 | Kristie:
It's absolutely beautiful.

We kept calling it "the resort". 

00:03:20 | Jason van Genderen (Interviewer):
I was going to say, what was your first impression? 

00:03:23 | Kristie:
Resort.

My sister straight away said, "Can I put my name down?"

00:03:30 | Jason van Genderen (Interviewer):

It just blew away all my impressions of what I thought aged care homes were. 

00:03:36 | Kristie:
Her whole room is all set up, and everyone compliments her on all her animals. She loves animals.

It makes it feel like her room is at home, like if she was still living with one of us. 

Choosing care

00:03:48 | Jason van Genderen (Interviewer):
What were some of the most important decisions, some of the big deciding factors in choosing care? 

00:03:54 | Kristie:
Was she going to be in a room on her own?

Did she have to share anything?

What amenities do they have there?

Just those kinds of things for care-wise, to make sure she was going to be looked after and there was going to be somebody there any time she needed help.

Peace of mind

00:04:13 | Jason van Genderen (Interviewer):
What sort of peace of mind does that give you and your sister, knowing that someone else has got your mum's back too?

00:04:17 | Kristie:
Great.

Knowing that we can't be there for her 24/7, that there is somebody else caring for her the way that we would.

If she was having a bit of a down day, she's even said to me and Nicole, "I'm really glad that we did this."

She said, "Yeah, I'm really happy."

That made us happy.

We didn't want her to feel like she was being made to do it, or that we were pushing her into it.

It was a suggestion.

But yeah, it worked out. 

Closing thoughts

00:04:51 | Jason van Genderen (Interviewer):
I think you, your sister and Robin's story is admirable.

Thank you for sharing your story with us and we hope that sharing it will help other families have good, healthy conversations about this as well. 

00:05:04 | Kristie:
Hope so. Thank you very much. 

00:05:06 | Jason van Genderen (Interviewer):
Thank you.