This transcript features Megan van Genderen and Jason van Genderen in conversation with Holly, reflecting on their personal experience caring for Jason's mother, Oma, as she lived with dementia. Together, they discuss multigenerational living, the challenges of providing full-time care at home, the decision to transition into residential aged care, and the importance of accepting support when caring for a loved one.

Introduction

00:00:06 | Holly:
Hi, how are you doing? Come on in. Nice to see you. This is Dog trying to get some attention. 

00:00:15 | Holly:
It's time to turn the cameras around and focus on you, Jason and Megan.

Thank you so much for hosting our Cuppa Q&A series and having these very important conversations with our families.

Many of their experiences will be familiar to you.

I know that you cared for your mum and mother-in-law, Oma, for a number of years before you entrusted her care to our team at Kalyna Vale Care Community.

Would you be happy to share some of your story with us? 

Living together as a family

00:00:40 | Megan van Genderen:
Yeah. We had Oma at our home for almost five years.

We all moved into the same house together because we knew that Oma was declining in her memory and her ability to live at home alone.

So we bought a house together where we could all live.

She had her own studio apartment, which meant she still had her own space, bedroom and kitchen.

It all worked beautifully.

It worked really well, and it was great for the kids to have that intergenerational relationship and respect.

She was really happy. Really, really happy. 

When dementia progressed

00:01:18 | Holly:
Tell me about the progression of Oma's dementia once she moved in.

Once you were all living together, at what stage did it really start to become a very difficult situation to manage? 

00:01:29 | Megan van Genderen:
The togetherness of living as one big, cohesive extended family got replaced by a new social anxiety with the pandemic.

The comfort, love and caring environment of the home became a comfortable prison, if you like.

All her routines were broken, which chipped away at the dementia. 

00:01:53 | Jason van Genderen:
As parents, we were having to pull time away from our young kids to help manage Oma's situation more and more.

You do that out of love, service and respect.

But there comes a point where your kids also need your attention, and you can't divide and conquer all the time.

We reached a point where Oma had a health episode that started a chain of events which made her more and more dependent on us, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

We realised that 24/7 care is something you might be able to manage for a couple of days or a couple of weeks at best.

At some point, you have to sleep.

At some point, the family also needs to be able to function.

That was when we realised that home was no longer not only a safe place, but it just wasn't the right place.

Choosing Kalyna Vale Care Community

00:02:43 | Holly:
So you altered your lives to care for Oma full-time.

Naturally, it must have been a big step to pass on her care to someone else.

How did you know that you could entrust her care to our team at Killarney Vale Care Community? 

00:02:56 | Jason van Genderen:
I think for us it was an overwhelming feeling when we went on the tour.

We walked through, and the team came up and met us in the corridor.

They introduced themselves and started talking with us.

00:03:10 | Megan van Genderen:

Our original priorities were really around light, space, gardens, a single room, and food.

Food was very important for us.

But we also wanted a feeling.

When we all moved into this beautiful house together, we had a feeling about it.

We were looking for that same feeling when we visited a care community.

A sense of home. 

00:03:38 | Holly:
Was that what you expected a care home to look like? 

00:03:40 | Jason van Genderen:
No. No.

It makes a huge difference when you know it's not just one person.

When you know there's a whole team of people working towards making your loved one's transition and daily care as good as it can possibly be, it makes all those decisions make sense straight away.

There was no more thought or discussion needed.

It was there and then.

Yes, this is a new home. 

Accepting help

00:04:08 | Holly:
What piece of advice can you offer families who are going through a similar journey? 

00:04:14 | Jason van Genderen:
Accept help.

You can't do this alone.

Some families are still doing everything on their own and not even accessing in-home care support as a starting point.

The important thing is that you can care better when you accept a community of care around you.

In the end, there's no shame in moving your loved one into full-time care.

I always felt that burden, that it was somehow a defeat as a son.

Having gone through the journey, I now realise it wasn't that at all. 

00:04:49 | Jason van Genderen:
My advice would be to accept help generously.

You'll see the benefits of it, and your loved one will see the benefits of it as well. 

Closing thoughts

00:05:01 | Holly:
Thank you, Jason and Megan, for sharing your story with us.

I'm sure there will be many carers out there who can relate and will find what you've said very helpful. 

00:05:10 | Jason van Genderen:
Thanks, Holly.

Thanks for the cake. 

00:05:11 | Megan van Genderen:
Excellent. Thank you. 

00:05:12 | Holly:
Beautiful. It turned out well. 

00:05:13 | Megan van Genderen:
The cake is beautiful. Thank you.