This transcript features David in conversation with Megan van Genderen and Jason van Genderen from 'Everybody's Oma', sharing his family's experience of supporting his mother, Maria, after a sudden decline caused by dementia. Together, they discuss navigating unexpected care needs, balancing family responsibilities, choosing the right care community, and finding peace of mind when a loved one moves into residential aged care. 

Introduction

00:00:01 | Jason van Genderen (Interviewer):
Good morning. How are you, David? This is Megan. I'm Jason. 

00:00:14 | Jason van Genderen (Interviewer):
David, thanks so much for having us around to have a chat about your experience of putting your mum, Maria, into care. 

Mum and Dad's Situation

00:00:23 | Jason van Genderen (Interviewer):
So Mum's in full-time care, but Dad still lives independently? 

00:00:26 | David:
Right. Dad still lives independently.

He cooks well and does a good job cooking.

If he can't cook, I'll cook for him when I go to visit him.

Then Mum had to go into full-time care. 

When Everything Changed

00:00:38 | Jason van Genderen (Interviewer):
What situations led to that? 

00:00:41 | David:
Well, we could see the dementia was setting in, which was okay. We could handle that.

Then it came to a Saturday night. I remember I was making dinner for them.

I asked Mum to go and sit on the lounge because it was more comfortable there.

After I washed up and came back, she was still sitting there.

I said, "Come on Mum, let's go and sit down."

She wouldn't get up.

Then we noticed there was something wrong.

Within that week we found out she wasn't going to get up and walk anymore. 

00:01:13 | Jason van Genderen (Interviewer):
Just like that? 

00:01:14 | David:
Just like that.

The dementia must have stopped her from walking.

You can't bathe her. You can't do anything when the body's like that because it's dead weight, really. 

The Hospital Journey

00:01:26 | Megan van Genderen (Interviewer):
So she went into hospital. What was that process like, having to find somewhere for her care? 

00:01:33 | David:
That was new.

I'd never had to do that before.

Both my grandparents virtually died at home.

We never went through that process with my grandparents.

Being old Europeans, it was customary to look after your parents.

Which I'm trying to do, but I'm also trying to have a life. 

Searching for the Right Care Community

00:01:56 | Megan van Genderen (Interviewer):
Did you visit many care communities before Mum went to Narraweena Grove? 

00:02:02 | David:
They gave us a list of a few.

We went to about four or five and had a look around.

Some places looked very sterile, like a hospital.

They didn't have a homely feel.

We'd ask the staff how long they'd been there and they'd say six weeks or something like that.

There seemed to be a big turnover of staff.

When we got to Narraweena Grove, there were people there who had been there, off and on, for 20 years. 

Settling into Naina Grove

00:02:32 | Jason van Genderen (Interviewer):
Is she in a shared room? 

00:02:33 | David:
She's in a shared room.

There's four in the room.

She's got a routine over there.

Like everyone with dementia, they've all got a routine.

At the moment, she's happy. 

What Matters Most

00:02:46 | Jason van Genderen (Interviewer):
When Maria moved into Narraweena Grove, what were the things that were most important to you and your dad in Maria's care? 

00:02:56 | David:
That she was comfortable.

That she could sleep because she loves her sleeping.

And that she's happy.

She seems to be happy there. 

Finding Breathing Space

00:03:07 | Jason van Genderen (Interviewer):
David, what peace of mind has having Mum in full-time care afforded you? What has changed for you? 

00:03:15 | David:
It's given me a little bit of breathing space.

Since Mum's been there, we've only been away three or four times.

But I can see there's more time for me to have. 

00:03:30 | Megan van Genderen (Interviewer):
That's beautiful. 

00:03:31 | Jason van Genderen (Interviewer):

How do you feel when you visit your mum now? 

00:03:34 | David:
I feel relaxed.

I don't have that stress of wondering whether she's taking her medication.

I don't have to worry about whether she's fallen over.

I just feel relaxed knowing she's there, she's okay and she's happy.

If she was upset, she'd be telling me.

But she's never been like that.

She's too nice. 

Feeling Supported

00:04:02 | David:
All the staff like her too.

They'll come past and always have something to say to her, and she's always got something to say to them. 

Closing Thoughts

00:04:10 | Jason van Genderen (Interviewer):
Dave, it's lovely to see you walk a dignified journey with your mum. 

00:04:14 | David:
And I'm happy that she's happy. That's the main thing. 

00:04:17 | Megan van Genderen (Interviewer):
Thank you for inviting us into your home. We really appreciate it. 

00:04:20 | David:
Sure. And have some more love cake. 

00:04:22 | David:
We will. 
Thank you.